We hear all the time how “dead beat dads” are shirking their responsibilities. Douglas McKalip has been labeled a dead beat dad. What follows is what is often referred to as “the rest of the story.”

An Un-Merry Christmas. This will be another Un-Merry Christmas for one of Cook County Illinois’ litigants, a law abiding business owner who has for his whole life followed the letter of the law. A fun personable man who has helped countless friends and employees during his 57 years as a honorable citizen. Most importantly to this story, he had always paid his debts both financial and personal. His life’s mistake was to unknowingly marry a gold digger with a mission. For more than 6 years Douglas McKalip has been involved in a divorce can only be described as surreal.

Lawyer fees, settlements and loss of time to run his business cleaned out all of Mr McKalip’s savings, equity in his business, and equity in his home and racked up a mountain of debt. His once thriving business is on life support that isn’t working. His home went into foreclosure. He sold his personal belongings at fire-sale prices. He had to sell every asset — all in an effort to make his support payments and try keep business alive.

Currently he is in front of Judge Jeanne Cleveland Bernstein. Judge Bernstein has told Douglas that he does not deserve to see his children because he can only pay $2,728.00 per month in child support. Connecting visitation with support is not supposed to happen. But this is minor compared to what follows.

Judge Bernstein’s bizarre behavior includes lecturing Doug for ten minutes about all the things his children did not have — even though Mr McKalip had never been in front of Judge Bernstein. She had never heard a single word of testimony regarding what the children did and did not have. Aggravating the matter, Judge Bernstein inquired as to what money Mr. McKalip had in what accounts. When he explained the only money he had was set aside for taxes, the Judge ordered Mr. McKalip not use it to pay taxes but use it to pay a $5000.00 additional “purge” amount — or she would send him to jail. What? Jail? This is in addition to child support, alimony and expenses he was already paying at the time. If he refused, she threatened to send Douglas McKalip to Cook County Jail, the one that holds societies most violent criminals! She was, and is serious. Mr McKalip is still living under this judge’s promise for jail time.

Lawyers and politicians make a big deal about visitation interference being a crime in Illinois, but Doug has not found a judge who will enforce the parenting agreement. Most parenting agreements allow the non custodial parent access to their children more than 1300 hours a year, yet he has rarely been able to see his children even 40 hours in a full year even though he has such an agreement. Again this year Mr. McKalip will not be able to spend time with his children for Christmas for the fifth consecutive year. So much for visitation agreements.

Doug’s problems do not end with Cook County. This is were it gets even more bizarre. The State of Illinois has wreaked havoc in his life as well. Due to what Mr. McKalip describes as a miscalculation of a trial Judge, tens of thousands of dollars of bogus child support was added to what he was to pay. Now supposedly, Mr McKalip is a dead beat dad. The State of Illinois decided independently without review of his canceled checks, to take his drivers license away. Even though no judge has ordered Mr. McKalip should lose his driving privileges. So he no longer has a drivers license. Despite the State only able to produce a dollar amount for which they “think” Doug is in arrears, they cannot provide, or do not want to provide a statement to show their calculations. It has been almost two years ago since Mr McKalip’s bank accounts were seized and hundreds of dollars taken by the State. To this day, the State cannot show the credit or even if the money ever got to his children.

All the while since his drivers license was taken away, almost two years ago, Mr. McKalip claims he has had the physical evidence in copies of cancelled checks, court orders and time lines proving he was in fact paid up. However, he has been unable to get anyone to review his documents. Why?

So aggravated is the situation and so decimated is his ability to produce income without a drivers license, he started wondering about the true motivations of the system. The State and County are both in serious financial trouble with the pensions under funded by billions of dollars.

For both the State and County employees the incentives are clear. It is part of the original “Stimulus Package.” When the State or County Judges can extort money from people like Mr. McKalip, the State gets a dollar-for-dollar match from the federal government! Your tax dollars are hard at work turning divorced fathers into dead beat dads so the State can get additional revenue! They receive money from the federal government to jail dead beat dads. The State employees are pumped up with stories how successful the program has been in punishing dead beat dads and how much money it has brought in for the State. Who is checking their methods? Their legitimacy? To whom are they accountable? How can these things happen without due process? Divorced dads are being forced onto dead beat dad status, one after another.

It appears the Cook County Court has similarities with Mafia. If you go up the chain of command with a problem, it is similar to complaining to a Mob Boss an Enforcer is trying to break your legs. Not a good idea! It seems no judge will review another judge’s work or even their own on a “motion for reconsideration.” The truth is that there is no way to appeal a bad finding.

One might think these problems would be enough for one person in this holiday season, but Mr. McKalip’s situation has taken a turn for the worse. After assigning a beneficial interest of the business property that belonged to Douglas’s father to a person who had been paying taxes on that piece of real estate in an effort to help the family, Doug was unaware that the bank had not executed documents making the assignment. Additionally, the bank failed to notify either Doug or his father of this delay until after sworn testimony by Douglas in court as well as the unfortunate death his father.

Doug had been unaware he had misspoken due to the Bank’s negligence, but when Judge Bernstein found out she began yelling and told the attorney for Douglas’ ex-wife that Doug should be brought up on criminal contempt charges for perjury. Again, The attorney for Douglas had in his possession exculpatory evidence. His attorney was not allowed to present the evidence or even talk to the judge.

As citizens we look to the courts for unbiased and fair solutions to issues, we have faith that plaintiff’s attorneys can be allowed to present evidence, especially exculpatory evidence. Courts that stonewall one side or the other or run their own agendas are the hallmark of third world countries, not the United States of America.

The criminal contempt charge has caused Doug to spend additional thousands of dollars of borrowed money hiring a criminal defense attorney. The punishment for the criminal charges is not monetary but jail time and Doug’s attorneys are baffled why the Judge, Doug’s ex-wife and her attorney would want Doug in jail and lose financial support for the children. The Judge, Doug’s ex and her attorney also have been vehement in preventing Doug from getting his drivers license back, severely limiting his earning ability. Not at all logical.

The court system, the State of Illinois, Douglas’s ex and her attorneys have thrown every impediment they can to prevent normal visitation with his children, and limit Doug’s ability to earn money. It makes one wonder who is looking out for the children?

Doug’s next court dates are the 27th and 28th of December and could answer the question whether Doug could have the possibility of a happier New Year, or start the New Year in a jail built for murderers, gang lords and rapists.

He has been involved in 7 separate legal actions brought about by his divorce and has appeared in court more than 200 times.

I believe in love and long term relationships. I think that monogamous marriage as a social arrangement and a way to structure a family is truly a good thing. I think children should have a father and a mother living in a home together for their entire childhood. Although I recognize that this is not always possible, the stability of nuclear family should at least be the goal and divorce should be the last resort. The naysayers and dare I say, the feminists, will protest that single parent families are just as good as two parent homes. The statistics on the outcomes of fatherless children and children exposed to the turmoil of divorce reveal the sad truth and need not be repeated here.

The problem I have with marriage is how it manifests itself in divorce courts today and how it intensifies into the total destruction of  so many families. I am entering my seventh year of a divorce battle so intense that is hard to believe. My struggle appears like a surreal nightmare to myself, my family and friends who have witnessed it.  For more than two hundred appearances in court in six different legal actions related to my divorce I have experienced some of the worst of our legal system has to offer. In my seventh year of battle to see my children and stay out of debtors prison I have learned much about life and the divorce courts.

I have wanted to share my story for several years but have hesitated for the sake on my children. My kids are older now, and we are getting closer and closer to a normal relationship. I might have waited a while longer before starting to write this but we have a new Judge on our case that is determined to throw me in jail. She (the Judge) would gladly deprive my children of the support they now receive to send me to jail and says so at every court date.  The latest motion from the other side asks only that I am incarcerated and not a monetary judgment. My ex wife will gladly trade the $2,700.00 she receives in support each month for having me jailed and that pretty much sums up the rationality of my ex, her attorney and the Judge.

Would you like to know how I really feel about divorce courts in Cook County?

Divorce in Cook County Illinois is a totally out of control “free for all” with the attorneys destroying the families for their own monetary benefit. Do you think that is too strong a generalization? I do not think so. I have seen divorce attorneys wantonly break court orders, commit felony fraud, intimidate witnesses, file frivolous law suits, take money out of escrow without a court order, and tell every sort of lie imaginable. They promote more and more litigation as a solution to all problems while burning through the families assets. The divorce litigation is only over when the money is gone.

Do you wonder how this is allowed to happen? The judges and governing agencies promote such behavior by ignoring it. With a system so broken, the horrors of divorce outweigh the benefit of marriage.

“The Case Against Marriage” is not only the story of my journey through the divorce courts, but a guide for those who do not want to make all the same mistakes I made.